My Identity

garden in May 002My identity is in Christ

I am the first to admit I have gained an identity from certain qualities that I have either as personality traits or traits I developed over a lifetime of experience and hard lessons.
I feel myself slowly whittled away until the only thing that survives is my identity as a child of God trusting Jesus.
I suppose the last thing to go will be my sense of humor but that is almost extinguished by the process.
I had my first rejection and I am pretty convinced it is the first followed by the other four.
Harsh reality delivered by two mundane words; “Application Denied.” Just like that as though there was something deficient in me, not that they had so many qualified applicants and had to make difficult choices in this economy.
No ego-soothing, just denied.
I really wanted to go for my PhD but it seems as though that will be taken away. God has other plans for me. The words roll off the software and land on the word document looking shallow and contrived but I really do want to trust Him, and thus the battle between my ears begins in earnest.
God has other plans for me………rolling my eyes. What I’m actually thinking is yup, Deb will get the shitty end of the stick again.
I really need to trust God in this situation because He has been there for me up until now, His timing is exquisite, and He seems content to keep us guessing ‘till the last moment so I’ll hang on for dear life.
If I am completely rejected, I’ll find a job. Apparently, with my MS, I can make bank. I really don’t want to work for The Man and the last thing I need is to sell my soul to the corporate devil.
Although I would rather do meaningful research and make minimum wage just as long as I can pay off my loans.
Naturally, I’ll keep my readers updated.
Prayers and encouraging words are welcome.
Thanks ahead of time.
Everywhere and in all parallel realities, God is likely looking at me struggling in that temporal already but not yet paradox and I feel Him trying to tell me that it will be ok and I need to relax into it like I had to relax while I was in labor with my children and, since this is a realm outside of time-space, the manifestation of me that is already there is having a good laugh at my expense but she is welcome to the laugh because imagining that scene makes everything worth the trouble.


3 responses to “My Identity

  1. Jan Miller

    Application Denied…replace with Adventure Accepted. So my facebook post yesterday, the one with the monkey bars, got a couple comments that seem to fit here. In order to move forward we have to let one arm go. The picture in my mind is of a spotter, right below me, ready to catch me if I fall or to gently guide me to the next bar. I had pictured myself hanging on using my own muscle strength to make it happen. I was reassured that God’s strength carries us to the next chapter in our stories.

  2. Hi, welcome to my blog. I did see your facebook post with the monkey bars and either liked it or intended to like it and was distracted by one of the kiddos. Thanks for the kind words ❤

  3. Julianna got in!!! I’m so happy for her.

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