The problem with complementarianism (an extension of a conversation over at Julie Anne Smith’s blog)

x-y-chromosome

Here is a picture of the X and Y chromosomes. Neither gives us superpowers and neither gives one the right to dominate and suppress the gifts of the other.

Honestly, the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) has elevated gender issues to the status of essential to the faith level of doctrine and it is just plain silly particularly when CBMW can’t seem to manage to make the decision to support victims of abuse and side with CJ Mahaney and Sovereign Grace.

Anyway, I have secured permission to re-post some of the commentry here and I welcome feedback.

Katie

April 4, 2013 @ 2:04 PM

The questions I’ve been asking lately is: “What are our expectations when we look to our men to lead?”

The list I get is usually:

Initiate daily Bible reading & prayer
Initiate family night once a week
Initiate date night once a week
Initiate date time with each kid each week
Decide where we are headed
Decide what God is telling us
Think for me, the wife
Decide what we are going to do this week
Speak for both of us
If I, the wife, am in a difficult situation, stand between me and my difficulty and defend me
If I don’t want to do something, be my excuse and tell me I can’t go so I can get out of it.

I keep watching most men slink back and shy away from this list. Most don’t really know how to lead a devotion and really don’t want to. Most aren’t really sure what God is saying if they are honest and don’t get how a few seem to hear from Him all the time? They pull away from this overwhelming list and lean into something they are good at … maybe work, maybe a hobby, maybe a sport, maybe whatever …. just not this list of ideals that seem impossible in light of time and ability.

Where is it exactly that our men are supposed to lead us? I read on some blog (sorry can’t remember where) about the tremendous guilt that is heaped upon the men. And how sometimes the most publicly submissive women are in fact the most manipulative behind the scenes. The article I read mentioned how we have such a dim view of men (was this written by Rachel Held Evans?) that we think we have to stroke their paper thin egos, falsely build them up, in order to suggest something and get our way. Why treat our men like buffoons?

Aren’t two heads better than one? Can’t we each bring what we think to the table and put together the best plan? Can’t we each be strong in different areas and be a stronger team by using one another’s strong points, regardless of what it is or who has it?

Again, I need to restudy the Bible on this subject. I just have a sneaky suspicion that I was proof texting and ignoring context the first time I looked at this as a new believer may moons ago. I know I was heavily influenced by my surroundings in Fundagelical land.

I replied and have also cut and pasted…..

The leaden list Katie tends to get cut-n-pasted and my response (and Katie, is there any way I can repost some of this on my blog (requesting consent from Julie Anne as well.) Anyway,

The list I get is usually:

Initiate daily Bible reading & prayer

So, if I initiate a Bible reading, something is amiss?

Initiate family night once a week

See first point.

Initiate date night once a week

I’m sure men like pleasant surprises why does it fall on men?

Initiate date time with each kid each week

There is a tendency for the men to grow in the habit of this one-to-one time and end up at daddy daughter chastity balls and other events that are dad and child events. Where is the mother? Oftentimes holding down the fort with the other kids.

Decide where we are headed
Unilaterally? What about a multitude of council?

Decide what God is telling us

How does he get to decide what God is telling another person?

Think for me, the wife

Most people have difficulty thinking for themselves, thinking for two? Please.
Decide what we are going to do this week
Is this the Royal we, the condescending we that we throw at children?

Speak for both of us

Honestly rolling my eyes to exhaustion.

If I, the wife, am in a difficult situation, stand between me and my difficulty and defend me
If I don’t want to do something, be my excuse and tell me I can’t go so I can get out of it.

Making infants of women, Nice touch.

I included a link to the original blog http://spiritualsoundingboard.com/2013/04/04/council-for-biblical-manhood-and-womanhood-when-did-roles-become-a-primary-doctrinal-issue/#comments

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